Good morning book club,
It is 4:20 AM in Siem Reap, Cambodia when my alarm sounds in
our 4 bed shared hostel room. The room is named “Lotus” and has two bunk beds.
I commandeer the bottom bed on one of those bunks and Nicky the top bed (after
all it is natural for squirrels to sleep on top of trees and grizzly bears on
the ground). Next to us a Chilean fellow
that arrived the previous night is sleeping on the top bunk and the bottom bunk
is presently occupied by one Julia from Brazil (we will probably cover more and
her later but suffice it to say – she is also waking up and asked Nicky and I
if she could tag along for the next half a day of travel.
Side bar #1
Julia was one of many travelers that during this trip decide
to join Nicky and I for whatever we had in store even if we didn’t ourselves
know. Within minutes of arriving in a new town, we lead random strangers into
random adventures, a theme that repeated itself over and over. Organizing
drinking games, orchestrating aerial drone shots on the first take with many
random backpackers or day trips that included transportation or city transfers.
I can only speak for myself here, but most of my friends back home see me
coming down the street in my full “party mode” and go the opposite way.
In less than 9 hours, my first trip to Southeast Asia will
come to an end but more importantly my traveling adventure with Nicky will also
go on pause. The next few days will be
weird for me, as I quickly grew accustomed to having Nicky around and will need
to readjust. Traveling with me is like dealing with a toddler in his terrible
2’s who is constantly pushing boundaries but is social and cultural adept
enough to not be a burden to the squad. Both our travel styles are much more
intimate than people may realize, especially if you are keen on body language
and detail oriented as the narrator of this short story tends to be or if you
are as emotionally fore coming and open to new experiences as Nicky is.
Examples of this could be:
- How I now know more about Nicky’s morning start up and shut down routines than even my own.
- The triggers that will annoy her, some of these I found out the hard way as I was on the receiving end.
- Her ease at approaching people and the techniques she effortless employs to quickly make people fall in love with her. Actually, not literally.
- She is like a velociraptor that needs to be fed regularly or the consequences can be severe (In contrast I’m more like a plant in need of constant hydration).
- The way her eyes shift when she is thinking critically or the way her ”1000 yard stare” is always facing to the right or straight never in another direction.
But I digress. I felt
very comfortable traveling with her and sharing really tight quarters at times.
We learned a lot about each other and I will need some time to adjust to not
having her around to strategize on the plan for the day. Back to our regularly
scheduled program….
End of Side Bar #1
Sluggishly and half asleep we pack up, change and brush our
teeth. In less than 20 minutes, Julia, Nicky and myself are out the door. Nicky
deftly secures transportation and checks us out our hostel. 25 minutes later we
are in Siem Reap regional airport and without any complications catch our 45
minute flight back to the Cambodian capital of Phnom Penh. Phnom Penh is first
met up when our Cambodian adventure started, but we were so excited to catch up
and party that we didn’t really do any of the highly recommended tourist
attractions (chief among them “The Killing Fields and S-21”). This meant that
the pressure was on to make sure we made the most of out of my last 4.5 hours
in the city before starting my journey back west. No partying or mingling with
strangers. Tourist stuff only. Julia, Nicky and I were on the same page and all
weighed in. Ultimately, because traffic in Phnom Penh sucks and time was
precious we decided in only doing S-21 and leaving the killing fields for
another time.
It is another super-hot and humid day in Cambodia. You step
outside of the AC and every cell in your body is begging you to back into the
AC and cancel all plans. But this is not an option today, for some of us it is
our last day in town. We double up on deodorant. Nicky again on transportation
logistics figures out the best way to navigate the city and get us to S-21
after dropping off our things at her hostel. The plan is visit S-21, have lunch
then Julia and I go back to the hostel to pick up our stuff and head to the
airport to catch separate flights.
Side bar #2
When you travel with Nicky you will quickly realize one
thing. She is impervious to Asian traffic, she is one with it, breathes it,
understands it or just plain doesn’t care. She says her time in Nam made her
this way, I don’t know. She walks into
traffic without looking like a drunken toddler or better yet She-Hulk. And then traffic just moves around her like
she is protected by a force field.
Time for a game. I’m going to assign an Avenger character to
all of you, here is to hoping I don’t offend anyone beyond repair. Also,
Claudia, I know you are a DC girl but Marvel is just more relevant and lends
itself easily to this. Plus I already called dibs on Wonder woman if we go the
DC route.
- Jenny Michelle: Ironman. Leads the Avengers and looks out after all of them. Knows how to throw a party.
- Jenn: Dr Stranger. Well educated, has all of the sagely wisdom. Deadly fighter.
- Claudia: Scarlett Witch. Powerful beyond measure. Enigmatic and introverted.
- Nicky: Hulk. I already mentioned why. She is also a forced to be reckon with drunk or sober. I recently confirmed both of these accounts. Ask me about my 4 am adventure to the Cambodian grocery store with a drunk hulk.
- I’m definitely StarLord. I have facial hair, goofy, love 80s tunes and I play music all the time. Yup.
End of Side Bar
Our mood is light in the tuk tuk on our 6 minute ride to
this museum. Its hard to distinguish the streets in the city from one another.
They seem like computer generated versions of each other that repeat themselves
over and over with slight variations. Vehicles parked on both sides, speed
bumps that are not needed because the pot holes do a great job of slowing you
down. Street vendors, some type of construction, 6 restaurants and 3 bars in
each side of the block, retail and repair shops, trash that seems to blend into
the environment, rinse and repeat, next street.
Our eyes are eagerly scanning upcoming streets to catch our
first glimpse of S-21. When we see it, you can feel our expression changing and
so are our moods. The tuk tuk engines are struggling to propel the new weight
of our emotions forward as driver parks us near the entrance.
Side bar #3
A little bit about S-21 and the Khmer Rouge:
S-21 is the name of a secret prison that existed in Phnom
Penh from 1976 to 1979. It was one of more than 60 similarly run facilities the
Khmer Rouge ran across Cambodia. S-21 has a more ominous feel to it than I
expected, probably because it used to be a school. This is the most notorious
one of them all for several reasons and it is certainly the stuff of horror
movies. The thought of it now sends chills down my spine, something very few
things can evoke in me.
I will provide some links that can better provide the
historical information of Cambodia. I didn’t know a lot about the indochina
conflicts prior to my visit here but did leave the area with a greater
appreciation for what humans had to endure in that part of the world.
For now, let’s establish the following:
- Years of poor leadership and civil unrest in Cambodia made way for a new revolutionary party to assume control. The political face of the group was an individual called Pol Pot.
- This new regime, referenced here as the Khmer Rouge, were radicals that wanted to restructure Cambodian society and used mass genocide during their short time in power to eliminate almost a third of the country’s population in secrecy. They displaced everyone from their cities and forced them to work in the fields.
- They targeted everyone who was educated and wiped out their entire families (children included) under the belief that they were all traitors or would become in the future.
- They were meticulous with record keeping. They photographed and extracted biographies of everyone they rounded up. They kept detailed records on them and recorded all the interrogations.
End of side bar
Entrance is 6 USD but for an additional 3 USD you get the
pre recorded audio tour. Always get the audio tour at this or any museum,
unless you are a subject matter expert on the topic. We got our tickets and players
and walked into the courtyard of the school turned into prison.
Within 90 seconds of us first stepping into S-21 the day
goes from scorching hot and bright to an overexposed grey filled with rain
clouds that loom nearby. I wish I was writing this for dramatic effect, but
alas I am not. It is almost like the fabric that connects us to nature is now
entuned to our emotions and changes it to match it. 20 minutes later, the rain would force us into the different buildings.
So here we are. Picture yourself standing the in the corner
of a rectangle facing into the space inside it. Along each of the narrow ends
there is 1 three-story building that spans the whole length of the rectangle. On
one of the longer sides, not the one closest to the corner you are standing on,
but the longer side that is across from you are 2 three-story buildings. That’s
4 buildings in total lining up 3 of the sides of the rectangle. These are
filled with class rooms. The rest of the rectangle is a big courtyard with a
kids recreational area and throughout you can find evenly spaced mango trees
and is mostly green. Flowers are blooming this time a year and there are plenty
of benches.
It could be a good place for a light snack and quick read,
but its not. The perimeter of this rectangle is a 9-foot wall with spaghetti of
barb wire intended to keep people from ever escaping. All the buildings have
been retrofitted with the same treatment. Bars on windows, barbwire everywhere,
exposed brick, greys and dull orange rust on pipes for a bit of contrast.
My mind races to process the idea of both kids playing and learning
here and also the idea of free citizens kept against their will here as well.
The construct of life has to have a sense of irony, if the same place that was
once used to improve quality of life and make better humans can be well suited
(after some minor modifications) to dehumanize individuals and wipe out entire
lineages.
Side Bar #4
We are now well into this essay. You are probably
wondering…. Why are you sharing all of this with us? Trying to ruin my day?
Certainly not my intent. It is hard to write this out and not have it be
emotionally charged. There is a point to it. You can spare yourself additional
details and jump to Side Bar #5 or read on or stop altogether. I write often,
many times without a specific audience in mind. Sometimes to an audience but I
never send it. Maybe you will never see this one.
End of Side Bar
So here we are again. Inside this rectangle. This space
designed for growth but quickly converted to serve on purpose: decay society.
People were forced here by the truck loads daily. Photographed, biographies of
them extracted, then stripped of their clothes, assigned a number and processed
into imprisonment.
The facility was top secret and ran by some really sick
bastards. The director overseeing the facility named Comrade Duch. A piece of
work this guy was.
Anyone with soft hands or eye glasses is viewed as a threat
and as a result is sent to prison. Then the Khmer Rouge soldiers torture you
until they extract a false confession implicating friends and family (so their
murder is also “justified”) and then you and everyone implicated is sent to the
killing for mass murder.
Let’s say you teach arts a school in the country side. They
invite you to a better paying job in the city and offer you and your family to
be transported. Upon arrival you go to S-21 and you know how the rest plays
out. This happened more than 20,000 times at S-21 alone.
Less than a dozen
people processed thru this facility survived. That’s insane. You were
guaranteed to die once inside those walls.
The vibe and energy in this place is unreal. There are at
least another 120 visitors in the museum and everyone is feeling it. You have a
map and you follow from one number to the next listening to the stories and
descriptions of the events that took place here. From the first audio you can
tell you are in for a heavy emotional ride. The narrator mentions several times
the need to step away and rest your emotions throughout the tour.
Julia, Nicky and I are doing the tour separate but together.
Often, we found ourselves in the same room but in our private spaces. Most
times in different areas of the same building. Experiencing the events in our
own personal space but close enough to support each other with a glance that
said “I feel you” or “can you believe this?”
And like I previously mentioned, everyone in the area was impacted by
this. I saw people sobbing and some flat out crying. The stories were so
tangible they reached out and touched you. A building completely dedicated to
torturing. Even the playground was converted for torture. All the beds and
artifacts still there.
2 buildings had nothing but photographs on the first floor.
Thousands of prisoners staring directly at you. They probably had no idea what
was in store for them. One particular story of a prisoner at S-21 hit home more
than others for us non-Cambodians. The story of a New Zealand traveler who was
27 at the time and sailing around the world with his buddy. When they went into
port, they were captured and taken to S-21 were a fake confession was extracted
and they were executed. All the documents, pictures and confession transcription
still exist. The traveler must have known his situation was dire and, in his
confession, he left messages to his family and even shows some humor by
confessing that he reports to one Coronel Sanders from the Army of Kentucky
(Fried Chicken) and other pop culture references.
We took our time and were very thorough of our exploration,
Nicky and I often exchanged interesting things we observed or heard. We learned
at the beginning of the audio tour that this site was more than a memorial or
museum and that each visitor carried with themselves a responsibility to
remember what took place here and ensuring that similar acts would not happen
again. A task that I think both Nicky and I took seriously then and even now.
In the end, that evil regime fell. Their plan was horrible
and poorly executed, doomed to failure since inception. When they lost control
of the city, they fled in a rush. Leaving most of their records of the events
at S-21 intact. Most of the leadership of the Khmer Rouge were found or turned
themselves in and underwent world trials for the crimes committed.
Pol Pot never owned up to it citing only when he was
captured “mistakes were made” which both Nicky and I found extremely
unfulfilling and the director of the prison repented, converted to Christianity
( a religion that allows you to repent for your sins) but ultimately was given
life in prison.
The experience zapped my emotional energy almost to zero. I’m
glad we didn’t do this at the beginning of the trip of rather the end. The
visit was educational and emotional. It was also frustrating and disappointing.
The stories compounded with each other and painted a very sad pictures of the
conditions there. In conclusion, it was a good experience and I was glad Nicky
was there instead of having to do it myself.
Side Bar #5
There were several stories in the audio tour that were feel
good and positive. They gave the visitor a sense of redemption. Like the story
of a car mechanic that was sent there for execution, but they saw he could
repair typewriters, so they kept him alive instead.
Let’s tie it all together. Nicky and I were lucky enough to
be there on a day and time when he was there. And we shared a brief moment with
him and shortly there after Nicky bought his book.
Moments before that interaction. An older Cambodian
gentleman waved me over to where he was sitting. He interrupted the end of the
audio bite I was listening, so I was a little annoyed but needed a break. I
pulled off my headphones and reluctantly walked over wondering “what is he
going to try to sell me?” He introduced himself by his complete name and
pointed to a picture of a family of 5 kids and a mother surrounded by Khmer
Rouge soldiers. He pointed to the oldest of the kids and said, “that is me in
the picture, I was 9”. I was floored and looked around for Nicky and found her
sitting in a bench sharing a moment with Julia. I looked back at the survivor and realized it
was just me and him talking. He told me about how he survived, his mothers last
messages and the last time they saw her. This was his 10th day back at S-21.
He said he had no intention of ever returning and that his younger brother will
not step foot in the facility. He said that after many years he felt an
obligation to share his story in person. I don’t remember when the tears
started I just remember concentrating on every word he said and the expression
of pain in his face. Of course, I bought the book and introduced Nicky to
survivor so she could hear his story.
So that was the point to this story that was intended to be
short but somehow found more sentences in it. I have in my possession two
autographed books that can be added to our book collection. We shall pass them
around to those interested in reading them.
Sorry if my writing dampens your mood. Just wanted to share
a little piece of our Cambodian adventure. Not everything Nicky and I do
revolves around being really really good looking and partying. I mean it’s a
fair assumption.
